I'm so out of my mind those days... is not that I don't know what I want, is that I know what I don't want. And sometimes it feels just heavy, because pratically nobody gives a shit, nobody cares. If it was not enough - my head full with stuff that really care, that I should be trying fo focus the most-, I keep on thinking and reminding and digging something that was suposed to be 7 feet under. I have no fucking idea of why this happens. I just wish I could know how to stop it. Is there a solution? Does it ever go away? - I don't even know if I want this to go away... I have never written, or put it out this way before, but I don't even know if I want this to end. I think we didn't even had the chance to try something... how can this be over? I don't know if in the future we'll be able to try something... I don't know anything.

I just wish I had some answers. I'm tired of being the seeker of answers, why can't I be the question for once? I'm tired, exhausted of trying to understand me, you, everybody. Nobody wants to be understood - but sometimes they are just so predictable... and sometimes so disappointing.

...
I don't even know where I'm going, which conclusion I'm taking out of it. I'm tired of not having any conclusion. I'm tired of no closer at all. I'm tired of being thrown at the shore... Why can't I just be on the ground or swimming in the sea? Do I always have to be thrown aside? It hurts. It consumes me. It makes me shiver.

I'm out of my mind. I don't feel my feet stablished on the ground. I don't know where I'm going, where this is all taking me...

just fuck it. fuck it all. I need my time back. My time to be myself.